Abigail's Live Journal [entries|friends|calendar] lone_strider [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

holy hobo [30 Jun 2005|09:14pm] [ mood | cheerful ] [ music | fall out boy- sugar we're going down ] Holy hobo. I haven’t updated this mother in a while. Allow me to bring you up to date, school and softball are over. It’s sad to think that I’m never going to be in 8th grade again... Now I’m moving on to the big bad high school and quite frankly, I’m scared out of my wits. I guess I’m just going to have to be strong and stand my grounds, all while having the highest amount of fun possible. Stuart and I are still together... 63 days to the date. (Yeah I know, I'm insane becasue I've been keeping track. Yeah don't rub it in. If you were with him you'd keep track of every fuckin' second too!!!) I’m so glad I have him, he’s so good to me. I really, really like him. Every time he holds me I feel so special, like someone, besides my parents, actually loves me and actually accepts someone like myself. I feel safe, I just like the sense of security I feel with him. I hope this last, I don’t think I can take anymore heartaches... And I know if this one ends that there will be a heartache. I’m happy with my friends, they’re all really awesome. Slartibartfast is not fucking included seeing as that it’s a whore. But Stu, Chris, GOOD Court, Ben, Christian, Sarah... they’re all awesome to be around, I hope I can get close with them. Court especially, I had forgotten how cool and person she was until she saved my mental stability in softball.... THANKS COURTNEY, SWEET JESUS ON EARTH I’D OF KILLED SOMEONE IF YOU WEREN’T THERE!!! Chillie, as always I love reading your comments, I sent an email to you I hope you received it! You seem like a really awesome person! Keep in touch! Oh my bitches in heaven. I got a babysitting job with these awesome people, they're like italian, or they could be from Phili. But either way they're awesome. They're paying my enough money this summer, to watch there little girl, so that by the end of the summer I'd be able to buy my own god damn house. Geeze this is great. Do you know what you can do with that sort of money??? Maybe not take over the world... But you can get pretty damn close! (evil laugh) 2| Comments!

hum-diddy-dum [29 May 2005|08:48am] [ mood | worried ] [ music | Ok go- get over it ] It’s been raining, here, in Brewer Maine, for 21 days now. I feel like repeatedly and violently bashing my head on a door frame. I’m so exhausted, this weather has gotten me down in the dumps. I have all this shit I need to do, but I have not the will to do it due to me being so run down. [growl] boo hoo Stuart is so dreamy! I love him I love him I love him! He’s so awesome, and crazy, and daring! It makes me crazy! Woot woot! Like today, he put the sweat band around his head, oh my gosh it was so awesome, he does a bunch of other things that are so funny! I’ve been waiting for someone like him for a long time... I guess it’s safe to say the fairy tales really do come true. I can’t wait until the dinner dance so I can be held by him once again, while looking and feeling B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L! I’ll feel like... Cinderella and the price at the ball, dancing until midnight, to which I WON’T turn into a pumpkin! I can’t believe the school year is almost over, it went by so quickly! I don’t know if I really want to go to high school! This is going to make me sound like such a poser, but it’s not that way at all. I want to learn how to skate board, and I wanna be like, a skater girl or whatever. I wanna hang out with the skater people, because in my opinion, they’re really awesome! Plus, skate boarding looks like a lot of fun! Don’t take me wrong or anything, I’m not going to like come to school one day looking all punk and stuff, I’ll still dress the same, maybe with just a little outfit or two on the side that is somewhat punk-ish, but that’s all! I hate the entertainment industry so much. Their the ones that are fucking young girls and boys like me up. We, the youth of America, see these slender, tall, gorgeous, and frightfully skinny celebrities. We see them on the tv, in magazines, posters everywhere, and we think that that’s how we’re supposed to look. We’re supposed to be toned and skinny and beautiful, and when we’re not AS pretty as them we beat our selves up. We call ourselves fat when it’s really just them being too skinny. It makes me sick to think about it, why are Americans so focused on image and appearance? Why? WHY WHY WHY?!¿ I hate this world, I hate thinking of it, I hate knowing what goes on in this world, I just plain hate being a part of it. I really don’t want to raise my children while they’re so focused on the way they look that they start starving themselves, or cry every night because they hate who they are. I hope that I am able to raise my children knowing that they’re just as good as anyone and everyone else out there, not matter what. No matter if they’re tall, fat, short, skinny, well proportioned, flat anything. And I hope that they always know that when someone insults you or makes fun of you, like they’re trying to bring you down, I hope my kids know that person is weak, weak, weak! I worry too much This rain sucks, no softball for a while....... .∙:*|W|4|....|L|1|*:∙. 3| Comments!

[Phew] [11 May 2005|06:03pm] [ mood | confused ] [ music | Lone star- Amazed by you ] I don’t understand, I just don’t fucking understand!!!! I was so happy not to long ago, not a thing in the world could ever upset me. Now, piss me off..... You’ll bleed. Stuart [sigh] He’s the only reason that I have been happy enough to control my homicidal side, him and softball that is. It’s just, lately I’ve been so busy with school, softball, home stuff, and friends that I haven’t had anytime to just gather myself. I say no to hanging out with court because I’m exhausted, just yesterday I randomly fainted when I was raking the lawn, I think I was dehydrated, but mummay thinks it was from stress. I just want to focus on school, Stuart, and Chris. Their the only people who don’t piss me off. Oh yeah, Slartibartfast.... Yeah, bitch is gonna die. I just feel like I’m under a lot of pressure, and when I have to make it to softball, make it to student council, help out a friend, and I have Courtney bitching at me because I hate her or whatever the fuck she says.... It just makes me want to explode. I wouldn’t really kill anyone out of anger, but sometimes I really want to. And no worries Ian, I'm not angry with you, and Chillie, you rock my soxs... that I'm not wearing... You rock! I love Stu. We lost our softball game yesterday by ten points. Yes, it was partially the umpires fault, but I don’t think we can blame losing the game entirely one her.. Him... it? Oh well. But the umpire was someones mommy or daddy on the opposing side, she called a strike when I was up to bat... It was defiantly over my mother fucking head. I asked her if she was drunk and she told me to watch it and theat she’d kick me out of the game if I kept “it” up. Yeah, god damn hermaphrodite-ish umpire kiss my ass. I couldn’t tell what gender the umpire was, but it was defiantly a crack whore and I hope that it’s arteries clog up causing it to go into cardiac arrest. Stupid jew. Wow I haven’t talked about anyone like that for a long time. I apologize if I’ve offended anyone, but you see, it’s my live journal, my thoughts, I’ll say what I have to say to make MYSELF feel better... [evil laugh] I don’t know what I want to do for a job when I grow up, I’m thinking something in medical, or dental... A Surgeon would be most excellent for my personality... Hah. But I want a simple job with a good salary, and a dental hygienist falls into that category. Hmmmm...... Decisions decisions... And I love Stu. Brewer B softball W-2 L-1 5| Comments!

I see it now! [07 May 2005|08:30pm] [ mood | okay ] [ music | The Game ft. fiddy cent- this is how we do ] For so long I've thought that there was something wrong with me, that maybe I'm slipping into, like, a manic depression mode or something. But I've finally figured it out, it took me so long to realize it, but I got it! With a little help from my muma, I love her. This whole friend issue I’ve been talking about? Yeah, I’ve figured it all out. I’m going to refer to this friend as.... Slartibartfast... And it will be and it, fore it’s gender will be undeclared. Anyways, Slartibartfast here has been pissing me off for so long, it only thinks about it’s self, such a narcissists, and it is so fucking immature that I feel I need to cry. It seems like when ever I’m having fun with another friend, and Slartibartfast doesn’t like it, it crashes the party. Either by bitching and complaining, or crying. It thinks that it runs the show all the time, either it’s the coach, or it needs to boss us around. It just doesn’t know when to quite. It’s so fucking annoying. Slartibartfast is dishonest and has lied to me about numerous situations, and have ended up getting people in trouble, and I can trust it. Now I finally understand why people used to get mad at me when I’d make shit up... I’m sorry. Slartibartfast is lazy, shows no enthusiasm towards it’s school work and grades, and lacks ALL common sense. Slartibartfast is hated by so many people in my school that it’s not even funny, they’re all singing the same song that I am! Slartibartfast waste my time, gets in the way, makes me mad as hell, but then still makes me feel so good about myself to know that I have more common sense then someone. Now I know I’m being incredibly hostile towards Slartibartfast, but I can’t take it anymore. I don’t want to be seen with it in high school... Chillie!! I’m so glad to hear from you again!!! I was afraid I had scared you off with my french like open mind! Lol. Keep commenting, I enjoy your inspiring feed back! I’m sorry you can’t meet my friends, I don’t think you’d want to meet Slartibartfast but Start on the other hand, well he’s a different story! Ian, yeah he's some fine! Thanks bud for fixing my live journal when I messed it up. I don't know how to repay you, don't worry you don't annoying me!!!! We do need to hang out though, I can't argue there! Call me sometime!!! [Sigh] I love softball! It’s the bomb, we’re doing so well, although, there are some girls that still have a lot of growing up to do, I can work around it! Lol Brewer Softball Won- 2 Lost- 0 5| Comments!

[03 May 2005|08:42pm] [ mood | horny ] Oh My Effing Word. That Ian MacLeod kid, is some fine. Seriously... 1| Comments!

ARUGA [30 Apr 2005|08:16am] [ mood | grateful ] [ music | Big and Rich- Real World ] Last night the softball team sponsored a dance. Seeing as that I’m on the B team I went to it, which I’m glad I did. I had so much fun, everything was so perfect. There was no rumors being spread, no nose wenching odors of puberty infest armpits, no stupid teenage drama, just the essence of perfection. Because I really don’t care if he sees this, I’m going to talk about Raymond Kepner. Raymond has a crush on me... But it’s a freaky ass crush, he’s found out were I live and I seen him walk by my house, and once I saw him in the woods by the road of my house.... NOT COOL! He writes me gay ass letters and sends them to me in the mail, or puts them in my locker. It’s just creepy, plus he lives by the school, which is a good three and a half miles away from my house... In school on Friday I sprayed him in the face with board cleaner... Of course in was an accident..... Buwah ha ha ha ha ha! He smells like pot and smoke, which makes me sick to my stomach, and I just don’t like anything about him. Plus, I have someone way better then that trash to love me! :-) BLAH Yeah but the main point was that I had loads of fun at the dance. We won our first softball game last Wednesday. It was so much fun, I love softball! But I still need to work on fielding techniques and a bunch of other things, I play first base and catcher! Yay! I have so many good friends, they’re all like family to me! I truly am the luckiest girl in the w-o-r...Universe! LOL nobody leaves comments in my live journal anymore... It makes me sad! I don’t blame them, I haven’t had anything to say that’s worth commenting over, I’m all written out! [GROWL] I rearranged my room last weekend, I have so much more space that it isn’t even funny. It looks really good! O.M.G.! On Thursday I had to do the baby project, where you bring an electronic baby home a take care of it for 24 hours, it sucked I was up all night feeding it and burping it, and paying attention to it, and changing the diaper... ARUGH!! Then I got to school on Friday too find out that the batteries in my baby were to low, so Mr. Hutchins could read me my score! All that work for basically nothing! God damn it! I have Stuart, thanks to my brother from another mother Chris, whom I thank graciously. But Chris told me painfully that Stuart liked me. You see, Chris liked me too, but because he cared so much for me he told me anyways. Now I’m happy, because Chris wanted me to be happy, and he’s taking unhappiness for me. I want him to be happy! But if I make him happy then I’m not happy... That means we’re all fucked. But I like Stuart so much, I’ve been waiting for that moment for so long, but I love Chris like a brother. The last thing I’d want to do is make either of them unhappy.... Ger! I just respect Chris so much, he told me that as long as I’m happy he’s happy, but I know he’s not. So sweet. But Stuart [sigh] he’s amazing. I feel safety from just being around him, you could only imagine what I felt while in his amazing embrace at the dance..... The whole world went away. I’m such a hypocrite, I say that middle school relationships are stupid, yet a participate in them myself.... Hah, Jesus Christ Abby, what’s wrong with you. I’ll edit the other entry so it’s only sexual activity that’s stupid. Brewer B Team. .:-W 1 L 0-:. 3| Comments!

Banana! B-A-N-A-N-A-S! [20 Apr 2005|09:07am] [ mood | flirty ] [ music | Jimmy Gilmore & The Fireballs- Sugar Shack ] Yesterday I went over to Alex's house and we hung out, climbing trees, jumping on his trampoline. It was tons of fun! Then his mother took us to the high school and taught me how to play some tennis! I really wasn’t all that good, but I had a blast! Thank you Alex my lovely marine biologist buddy, I enjoyed throwing rocks into the Penobscot!!! [Sigh] Lately I’ve been annoyed by my really close friends, they’ve just been pissing me off and I don’t know what’s going on.... I’m hoping it’s just one of those things... You know? It’s really only two of them, the rest are all the bomb digity, such as Alex and his mother! LOL Oh my gosh, I’ve been doing so many super fun things this vacation! I’ve been riding my bike around town with Ben, Court, Nick, and Chris, it was sooo much fun! When it was only Ben, Court, and I riding our bikes, we went to Doyle field. First, we climbed a tre, then we went and rolled down the hill at high speeds, but of course that was not much of a thrill for me so I did somersaults down the hill! That was really fun! Then we tried to climb on top of.... Let’s just keep it at we tried to climb on top of something, but it didn’t work. Then we tried to swing on a rope from the balcony of the announcements building but the god damn Brewer Piglets caught us and made us leave... and took our names, addresses, and birthday.... Courtney, being the retard that she is, was like “Are you going to tell our parents?!¿?!” “Are we in trouble?¿!?” and I was like Court, shut your face! Ger she’s so stupid sometimes... yeah sorry court! Ha Ha Ha! Then the next day, Ben and I climb a batting cage, the dug out, and the swim sets at Washington Street School. It was sooo much fun! MAH BODY HURTS ALL OVER, GOD DAMN!!! Lonely, I’m Ms. Lonely, I have nobody, for my own oh so lonely. Yes, that’s no lie, I’m lonely, I wish to converse with someone of the opposite sex that’s not one of my best friends, I don’t know why. I normally hate boy but lately.... NO! I MUSTN’T LET THE ESKIMOS SEE ME WEAK, THEY’LL WIN LACROSSE FOR CERTAIN!!!! [SHRIEKING] I’M CRUMBLING UNDER THE PRESSURE, IT’S TO MUCH! Ha ha ha. I enjoy playing lacrosse with the Indian on wednesdays in the rain... barefoot. Of course I only play against the Eskimos because they eat innocent baby polar bears! Bastards! But when we’re all done a good game my fellow Indian friend and I enjoy ridding unicorns through the forest. It was her idea, and a brilliant one at that, but we had to ask Gandalf for the unicorns. He doesn’t like Indians or Eskimos! Okay and that’s an example of Abby when she’s bored as hell and deprived of matches and fire..... Ger I wish I had more to write about.... 1| Comments!

Boys are yucky! [26 Mar 2005|06:14pm] [ mood | enraged ] [ music | Prince- Kiss ] All boys under the age of 20 are stupid, self centered, immature, jackasses that are most defiantly not looking for a serious relationship. Yeah sure, they may act like they love you, but nobody at that age knows what love is, not even myself. They may say they love you, and maybe they think they love you.... and they very well could love you, but I doubt that the love they’re referring to is the love found between soul mates. Boys are stupid girls are stupid, quit crying about being dumped by someone when you knew from the start that it wasn’t going to last. If they are the one who you were destine to spend the rest of your life with, then destiny will bring you back together, and if you’re not brought back together, then let it the go! I know it feels good to believe/feel that you’re being loved by someone of the opposite sex, or the same, but it still is not healthy to do that to yourself, it’s emotionally degrading, even though I do it myself. I’m not saying that you can’t have a boyfriend period, I’m just saying don’t expect to marry them, you know like make plans for your wedding, or name your kids, or doing that retarded Mrs. Abigail Ashley Elizabeth Depp thing, although I like the way that just slipped off my tongue. Anyways. Just don’t be surprised when you find him doing a slut with much bigger breatestes, or getting a call or even worse and IM, saying that he doesn’t think it’s working out. Yeah, take a note of this boys, don't break up with a girl on an IM, if I find out you did that, I'm going to stab you in the face with a stautering iron. But what really burns my ass is the fact that some of you stupid immature little girls and boys become sexually active to please whoever the fuck you think you’re in love with and they supposedly love you back. The truth is that if they are pressuring you to do sexually activities, or they’re giving you hints, that they do not love you nor do they want to love YOU, all they want is sex. Sickos. Ladies, present yourself right, don’t get on your hands and knees to fetch a mans every needs. Stand up for something or you’ll fall for anything. Show em who’s boss, and don’t give into pressure. It gives you a bad label when everyone in the school knows you had sex with John Paul Jones, and it makes you look like a whore when everyone knows you got chlamydia from Rickey Martin, or that you’re carrying Lucifers child. (I’m using random names to help my point get across more clearly, work with me) Be an independent woman, achieve your mother fucking dreams.... Jesus. Lets face it ladies, boys and even men are dishonest scum bags that have no concern for our feelings and the fact that they should treat us like a human being. Just wait for the perfect man to come along. Someone who will love you unconditionally, someone who will always be there for you when you need them, someone who accommodates the characteristics in YOUR personality. Also some who will make you laugh, someone who will cry with you as well as letting you cry on there shoulder, someone who will hold your hair back when you vomit....Wow, where'd that come from? The list will go on. Don’t get some homicidal, sociopath like Scott Petterson for a husband. Be patient, your prince charming will come sweep you of your feet when your both ready! Be open to anybody no matter how ugly they are, it’s what’s inside that matters. You know... I could just be writing this pathetic entry because maybe I to long for the attention from someone of the opposite sex. I’m hoping that’s not the case, I don’t think it is but maybe I’ve jsut convinced myself that I’m not lonely or unhappy.... Jesus I’m such a moron. But I am infact quite the hypocrite, I do the relationship things, only not the sexually active parts. lol Also excuse me if I’ve offended anyone, I’m just giving my opinion on the situation, please feel free to comment on why it offended you, or why you totally agree, and if there’s something you’d like to add please leave it on the comment box!!!!!! I’d like to know what you think!!!!!! 4| Comments!

[24 Mar 2005|05:41pm] [ mood | bouncy ] [ music | Incubus- Here in my room. ] As you may have not noticed, but you will after I tell you, I have deleted the pointless, uneducatedly written, not something I need in my live journal to waste space, entries I had written in the past. I will be writing more in my live journal and redoing some of the other entries so they are sure to make the point across and make more sense, and more convincing. I feel so lonely, I don’t understand. I’ve never ever had to depend on a man for happiness, I don’t know why I would need to now... Maybe it’s not that, maybe I’m just being gay. I used to be sooo happy, nothing could have ever brought me down, but now... now things have turned to shit and that really does not float my boat. Also I would like to give all my good friend my sincerest apologies for the way I have been behaving, I haven’t been spending time with most of you and I’m sorry. I’ve just been so down lately, I don’t feel like doing anything anymore. Ian & Matt I’m not avoiding you and Ian I will try to return your calls! I’m sorry guys!!! Courtney... I’m sorry I’ve been being such a bitchy jackrump, I’m not mad at you, I love you to death!!! Anyone else who feels they deserve an apology just tell tell me and I’ll contemplate weather I feel you deserve it! Lol. Maybe it’s just a combination of a plethora of different things....Where the hell did I come up with a word like plethora? Anywho, I would like everyone to know that I made the B team for softball! I’m sooo happy! Jesus, it all started out that today I went to the final try out and we did a PLETHORA of different activities, then coaches called us in to a room to talk to us individually. When I was called in they told me ‘You’re a really great player but there’s just not enough space on the team... and you need to work on your field mechanics.’ Bitches. So in the mist of my agonizing sorrow, the phone rang! It was one of the coaches! Wootang mother Trucker!!! She told me that she was going to move something around or something like that and that she would really like me to be on the be team! Jesus I almost crapped my pants. After I departed from the phone I started to cry again, only this time it wasn’t agonizing cries of sorrow, it was a gratified cries of exhilaration! Ha ha ha Gee I guess I’m just full of words today! I was just informed at... 4:58 PM that a plethora of other girls that tried out for softball made the B team as well, and they’re the girls that I was almost positive would make the A team. W-T-F mate! [sigh] Ditches and croes AH HA HA HA HA that was a good one! [clearing throat] Any who, yes, as I was saying about the entries in my live journal. I plan to rewrite a few of them and make changes to others... I’m repeating myself. Hey guys, I need some advice. There’s this girl that goes to my school, and she is really not the type of person that I want to hang out with. But it’s just one of those situations where she has few or no friends, and that breaks my heart because nobody deserves that. Plus, she doesn’t have much parental guidance going on at home, so she doesn’t make very good decisions. I just don’t like her but I’m nice to her anyways. But that’s not the point, the point is that she asked me for my phone number but I didn’t want her calling my house so I gave her a fake number... Was that the right thing to do? I don’t have the heart to tell her that I’d rather not give her my number... What should I have done? What should I do now? Ger!!!!! By the way... if anyone has a number with the last digits of 8191.... she’ll be calling you. 1| Comments!

L' Capitan Abigail [07 Mar 2005|10:48am] [ mood | cold ] [ music | Chevelle- The red ] I'm here in art class writing in my live journal because I have nothing to do. I left my colauge at home so I have nothing to work on, Justin P. is being a homosexual, he's so fucking rude to the art sub, and the art sub is sooo sweet. He never sends justin in the hall or gives him demerits even though he totally deserves it. The dick hole next to me is playing britany spears songs on her laptop. Jesus christ if justin doesn't shut up I'm going to rip out his spinal cord, bastard. Shit god damn mother fucking cunt ass whore bitchie bastard fag ass fuck from hell. I'm going to have a bitch fit, I'm in such a bad mood, I haven't slept in forever, we've been doing MEAs all day. Jesus if I get any more shit or demerits from any teachers I'm going to flip out and yell at them. I got 2 demerits from Mr. T for say shit god damn mother fucking cunt ass whore infront of him even though he laughed about it, then ms. billy goat ward with a turkey neck gave me a demirit for giving her "attitude?" what the fuck, bitch you haven't seen my attitude. she needs to shut the fuck up and quite her bitching. She doesn't even teacher in the 8th grade and she still gives me dimerits. I know I called her a whore but it needed to be done okay? I hate those teachers... I hate all teachers they piss me off. I especially hate my science teacher, he's a fag face. He goes on and on about his pathetic sex deprived life and his god damn mother fucking tree farm, while everyone in the class drifts off into a daze. Then when he's done his story we don't know what to do because in his lame ass story he put the directions in for the paper. what the fuck. He creeps me out, he gives you these looks when you're working, and I don't even want to know what he's thinking about but from the looks of it... It must be nasty. I have no strong topics to talk about today, I feel like this entry is a waste of your time and my space... Him... topic topic topic? Mother fucker I give up, um lets talk about children, I really don't want to have kids. Babies are nasty as hell, they shit them selves the pee, they vomit, burp, stink, they bitch, wine, and they are as ugly as sin when they are new borns. My mom says I'll change my mind but, what the fuck does she know? Then they grow up and they bitch some more and they give you attitude and they grow up and leave you... What did I get out of that? Yeah maybe there are some joys in being a parent... but I'm not seeing them... Jesus I don't even want to get married, god damn male species gets in the way, and they're lazy. Unless I find my perfect man who won't get in the way.... (sigh) I don't think I'm a very good person am I? Maybe my perspective on life will change after I grow up a bit... 1| Comments!

(Cough) [28 Feb 2005|05:56pm] [ mood | determined ] [ music | 3 doors down- kryptonite <-- not spelled right ] I don't know, I just feel like something is not right with me. I don't know what it is though. I mean everything is still going great in my life, there are a few exceptions, but those will pass. I just feel like I'm not as happy as I used to be, I'm not bubbly, and I don't laugh at those pointless, ludicrous, and sometimes not even funny things that I see in one day. Maybe I'm not satisfied with my friends, or maybe I'm just exhausted and run down from everything that's been happening, ya know with my wisdom teeth and all... Oh those sons of bitches. I'm glad that's over with. One of my friends has been acting like a fucking incapacitated jackass. (sigh) Maybe I'm being to critical, I shouldn't do that, nor should I say that. Ger. I don't know, I think I need someone to talk to, ya know like someone different, not a male, just someone who is simular to me when it comes to the outlook of life. I'm not saying that I hate the people that I'm friends with, I just don't feel like I can relate to them with some of the things I'm bothered by. One of my friends is going threw a wicked fucking rip shit mess with their family and I don't know what to say to make her feel better, all I have to say is the Abby outlook of life, and trust me, for this situation my outlook will not make anything better. But I know I'm really only thinking about myself right now, but it's just most of the time I'm thinking about everyone and everything else but myself. I just need someone to relate to, someone who thinks just like myself and has the same sence of humor, and has simular opinions about things like I do. Quite frankly I don't have a clue as to what I'm talking about but hey, what the hell, I have to let it out some how. Do you ever think about what's going to happen in the future? Like how your life is going to go after today or in ten years from now? I do. I often make myself cry thinking about somethings, ya know like with all this news about husbands killing their wives, and murderers, sickos, it just sends chills down my spines when I think that I may stumble apon one of those people. Then theirs the fact of having to move on it life, change, I hate change, Going from middle school to high school scares me shitless. I guess you just have to deal with whatever happens in life, I just want to be able to be happy with the career path I choose, and I want to be able to provide for my children what my parents have provided for me my whole life. A nice home, all the "necessities" I had in my life. I think I might be one of those people who depens on money for complete and total happiness, but not all on money, just 10% of it. 90% of it is love and friendship, don't worry I'm not that gredey. I just don't want to have the child that goes to school with greasey hair, and smells like vagina and ass (cough) Brandi (cough) wow excuse me, I had something in my throat. but yeah I know it's silly to cry over those things, but I guess I'm just like that. Do I worry to much? Let me tell you, when I become queen of the world, everyone will be happy, nobody will hurt anybody else the next generation with never know of terms such as [proverty] or [murder] or [terroist] nope not under my watch. The music industry will change as well as some other matters that I feel need to be delt with. I will also ask the people what they want to happen, what they feel needs to be done, and I will listen, I promise. I will not be pulling any baldacci shit, or Bush, jesus don't even go there with me. (inhale) Boy oh boy, Things will be better or my name isn't Abigail The Great!!!!!!!!! I laugh in the face of danger and I make evil wet themselves! Ha! Take that! Wooo Tang mother fuckers!!!! Comments!

Think about this. [20 Feb 2005|09:44am] [ mood | cranky ] This world has turned into something awful, I hate it here. You can feel the cold hearted strangers when they pass, and your tears pick up the war in the middle east. Pretty soon, insted of telling your children to count sheep when they can't sleep, you'll be telling them to count the body bags filled with our young war heros. Now, say your a 28 year old parent who has 5 children, your second youngest child who's six years old develops a tumor in his brain. Even before that you were barely getting by in life with your money, but to make matters worse the government cuts you health care and insurance. You and your spouse are left with two options, pay for timmy's treatments and procedures, or put food on the table for the rest of your children. You either help timmy and watch your other four children starve to death, or you feed the four children and watch timmy suffer to death. Which one makes more sence to choose to you? Now say half of your family works at a mill mom, dad, john, becca, tom dick and uncle harry. The mill doesn't want to pay your family because it's costing them money, so they drop you from your work and leave you with nothing. You now have to move from a comfy spacious home to a two bedroom trailer all because the mill/state didn't want to pay you anymore. (hypithetically speaking) Bush says that the government just doesn't have the money to spend on the war on terror, but then on the side lines he's added a 3.7 million dollar addition to his home in Texas, he's bilding his favorite Paris city restraunt near the white house, and he's taking his two daughters for 15,000 dollar spa treatments everyother day. What's wrong with that picture? Say you have a 13 year old daughter who got raped by a young man who had hunted her down using the internet. You and your family press charges agaist the "man" only to find out he's the son of the next man running for president. You are forced by the secrect service to drop all charges and never speak about it ever again, they told your daughter to her face "Pretend like it never happened." So every day you have to stair your daughters pain directly in the eye, feeling as though you didn't do your job as a parent and watching your daughter suffer because she'll never have the satifaction of putting the in jail for robbing her of her dignity. Imagine that that shit really happenes in the world today. What about gays and mentally challenged people? I don't think they have all that much respect in this world. With gays, it's either a choice they make, or something is different with them from us. There's nothing wrong with that, we should give them the same respect just the same. Damn it let them get married, They aren't hurting anyone! I mean I don't protest because I heard about two ugly people getting married! I don't gasp in shock because Margaret Zelmelski bought the Shop N' Save brand shit rather then the official brand, it's there god damn mother fucking choice, so all you ass holes need to quite your bitching and let them live their lives happy.... NOW WITH THE MENTALLY CHALLENGED, THAT'S NOT A CHOICE, THEY WERE BORN LIKE THAT. It's not like Radio chose to be Autistic, or little Mickie decided in his mothers belly that he wanted to have down syndrome. That offenes me especially because I had a handicap sister, she had Ret Syndrome, that angel child couldn't talk or walk, she couldn't even swallow her fucking food. She fought for 18 years without making a fuss,when we would go to the park with her and push her in the wheel chair so she could see the world a bit and I saw people yelling cusses at her and looking at us with disgust. Bastards, those people made me sick, Meagan my little angel just spread her wings and flew back up to heaven. So have some respect for these people, they have feelings to. Governer Baldacci says, "we're losing money, lets cut health benifits for the RETARDS, THE ELDERLY, THE SICK, THE POOR, AND THE PEOPLE OF MAINE IN GENERAL." That should solve that problem shouldn't it you bastard, I hope you get snipered you stupid son of a bitch. "OH yes and while we're cutting things we should make school harder for the children just because it would be fun to watch them struggle!" "But what if the parents speaks up mr. baldacci?" "oh well we'll just say their children are mother fucking tards!" Yeah wait until I become queen of the world, look at what I can cut mr. baldacci! "I'm Abby, Queen of the world, and I think that on sundays everyone will get free cash except for if you make more then a million a day, and everyone will have any form of insuance/ health care nessacery, oh I almost forgot we need to cut something don't we.....hmmm.......OH LETS CUT MR. BALDACCI BODY PARTS OFF SLOWLY AND WATCH HIM SCREAM AND SQUIRM AND ***STRUGGLE*** JUST BECAUSE IT WOULD BE FUN TO FUCKING WATCH!!!!!!! Did you think about that? 10| Comments!

(Grunt) Jesus Peaching Christ. [04 Feb 2005|12:59pm] [ mood | nauseated ] [ music | Beetles- Do you want a revolution? ] I Hate everything that this world is evolving into. Things are no longer simple and relaxed, things are hard core and tough and life is soo hard. School is tough, government is just fuckin' retarded, and the music industry.... Oh my lord, ya know what, this entry is going to be about the music industry and what I think of it. Now and days, yonger children know a lot more about sex then our parents ever did at that age. What these artist talk about in their music is awful, "I've got the magic stick." "Lick my neck my back." "You don't wanna fuck with shady." What the fuck is that... That to me is not music, that's sick. I don't mind the swears in the music, although I think I was to young to have learned them when I did. But the violence and sex and provacative lyrics are not something that I want my children to listen to. I know that that is what sells now and days but it was only so long ago when the beetles, and Aritha Franklin where selling their records and I can support the fact that they used none of that technique to sell their albums. Yeah, In the time of "Hit me baby one more time" things weren't so bad but now things are a bit to extream. Everything is about sex, movies, magazines, even everyday average tv that everyone has acess to. It's just to much. I support the parents who riot and give speeches on Eminem and all the other shit out there, they're right things are wrong right now, and Bush doesn't really seem to give a fuck about it so why don't we step in. I'm ashamed of living in this generation of people, I just want things to be nice and apporpreate. I for one give the music industry and thumbs down. I'm never letting my children watch MTV or listen to the pop stations on the radio, oldies and country is all they will grow up on. 5| Comments!

Let me EXPLAIN my theroy. [20 Jan 2005|07:43pm] [ mood | satisfied ] [ music | Incubus- The Warmth ] Not to long ago I put up and away message stating the fact that I hate PEOPLE. Some PEOPLE worried that I hated them, well here let me tell you that most likely... I don't hate you. Now about my theroy, If you think about this like I have then you will have a different opinion about the world, such as my opinion on PEOPLE. PEOPLE never think about this but, if you think about it PEOPLE are killing this world. Terrorist are PEOPLE, am I not correct? Murderers, rapest, child molesters, and criminals in general are PEOPLE. Although they are infact PEOPLE, they do act like monsters and they make me sick... There fore I hate them with a passion. Ah yes, but I'm not finished yet. Let us change PEOPLE into PERSON for this one. A PERSON invented the blade, which turns into the sorwd, which turned into and knife (including machettes, switch blades, pocket knives, really sharpe knives etc.) Although the PERSON that invented/discovered the blade did not intend to have it become something used by PEOPLE to kill. It was a PERSON that made the tools to which this happened from. Maybe that PERSON did not think about the fact that PEOPLE may use those tools to kill/injure other PEOPLE, maybe becasue that PERSON was focused on killing those adorable animals (not including the rodents) for his dinner. But still that PERSON should have thought about those sick, evil, narcissist Scott Petterson PEOPLE in the world. They are all PEOPLE. Oh and the gun, a PERSON created it, and PEOPLE used it to hurt other PEOPLE... You get my point. I hate them all. Now the PERSON who invented the bomb had a different intention... That PERSON did in fact want to kill other PEOPLE. Yes, maybe those PEOPLE that that PERSON wanted to kill were bad, but couldn't the PERSON a long long time ago be civil and settle their land issues threw a simple polite "Do you think you could move your kingdom and you city a little more south of my Kingdom and city?" Insted of going and slaughtering everything in sight. Stupid fucking PEOPLE. Back to PEOPLE, PEOPLE have made this earth dirty fucking shit and soil place to be in. The cars, factories, trash, chemicals, and those areostal spray cans that will cause some PEOPLE to develope skin cancer. PEOPLE have flat out point blank, fucked this world up for other PEOPLE to live in happily. Yes, there are PEOPLE who recycle, use trash cans and spray bottles, and think twice before they put fucking mercury in the penobscot, and I praise them greatly, but still there are PEOPLE who don't. I hate them, I'm slowly dying from my poisoned water and air, and I bet my left fucking side that I'm going to get skin cancer. Oh and what about those screw up PEOPLE who poisoned baby food... Yeah Fucking ass holes. I hate them. Along with the PEOPLE who poisoned other nouns with âÑtrâx and other deadly powerders and chemicals. I hate them. Fucking swej. Then, there's this one that I can only exsplain to you from experience, in hopes that the PERSON(S) reading this have aswell experienced this hell hole of a situation. There's always those evil, mean, out to distroy the world kinds of PEOPLE, out there. Maybe there pathetic cowards hidding in the moutains from mother America because they know that mother America is going to paddle their ass when she finds them. Or maybe it's those PEOPLE that you unforchunatly stumble over in your lives, those PEOPLE that make you angry and cause deppressing stages in your life. They are PEOPLE and you know what... They suck and I hate them. Then you have the PEOPLE that you think you hate, but really you're just extreamly upset with them at the moment. That happens to me, and yes, at that moment I do hate them but... I'll get over it. Now you might be saying/yelling/stating to yourself (Or your computer screen)"Abby, what the fuck don't you know that you're a person, stupid fucking crack whore." Yes, my friends you are right, I am infact a PERSON and sometimes PEOPLE who I'm a dick to hate me or maybe they just don't understand my points of veiw, or maybe my behavior in general. There are times when I hate myself, but I get over that. Let me remark one more time that this is my opinion, sorry if I offened any PEOPLE but I needed to get that one out. I don't hate all PEOPLE just a few, and there are most likely more PEOPLE that deserve to be hated but I forgot to mention them.... I hate those PEOPLE too. (Clearing Throat) Goodbye! Sincerly, yours truely.... Abigail. Comments!

I cry not for myself.... But for everyone in the world. [11 Jan 2005|04:42pm] [ mood | hopeful ] [ music | Big and Rich- Holy water ] Normally when people cry, it's because something bad happened in there life or they're stressed or maybe even they've been having a rough time. But Abby doesn't cry about her problems, she cries for the worlds pain. I see the war and the tsunami and all the people who have lost someone in these events. When I see those people crying, my heart bleeds for them. Nobody deserves to die, and no mother deserves to lose a child, and no man deserves to lose the women they love. Hear me when I say this one, No child deserves to lose there mother let alone there parents, and for lost of those kids in the tsunami, this is the case. I wish I could take the worlds pain away, I wish I could fix everything, I just want everyone to be happy! Girls, did you know that we women spend more then 463 billion dollars on beauty products every year. Did you ever ponder the fact that maybe if we restrained from buying these products and saved up our money, we could be using that 463 billion dollars to help with the war on Iraq or the tsunami. And some of you are narsasistic and you only think about yourselves, and you think it would be a waste your precious beauty products to help with the war or donate to the misfortunate vitims of the tsunami. But think about those families who have loved ones fighting in the war, or those families who've lost EVERYTHING in the stunami, what if that was your family? How would you feel about it then? I'm not saying that you need to stop buying beauty products, I'm just trying to make a point about the fact that America does have money, but America feels like the other countries aren't worthy to be helped out. I cry a lot about that stuff, I really just wish I could take the worlds pain away. And let me bore you with yet another one of my heartbreaks. Friends. I see all my friends breaking down in there lives and they think they're fat, or they think lifes jsut not worth living, and once or twice I've heard that there's no reason for these wonderful people to live. That's awful. You should never think about things like that. Every person on this earth is on this earth for a reason, and that includes you! Some people come and go quickly in our lives, and some leave foot prints in our hearts... from there on we're never the same. And I know there comes a point in every young ladies life when things get really tough to deal with, and in that point in time there's a lot of mental stress going on. But you jsut need to hang in there becasue I have had quite the tough time in my life, a lot of bad things have ahppened and I thought abou tending my life once or twice. But lucky for me I had a sister looking out for me. I told myself to stay strong and that if I try my best to be a better person, things would get better. I did become a better person, Let me tell you it changed my whole life around. At this point in my life I couldn't be happier! But when I see my friends breaking down, it kills me. I want to help them, I want to do something to help there problems, but sometimes I have no control over that. I feel so helpless and all I really can do is try to comfort their pain with words, and watch as their lives fall apart. That hurt me more then anything in the world. I just want everyone boy or girl to know that I am always here if you need to talk, don't be afraid to talk to me, I will be your friend if you need a friend. I will cry with you if you need to cry, and I will care about you if you need to know that someone does care. I'm Abby and I'll be everyones friend no matter what! Even though I can't take the worlds pain away, and some of my friends have to battle for happiness and I can't do anything about it, I just like to talk to people and help them throught here tough time, becasue when I hear that I made someone feel better about themselves or just life in general.... Oh does that ever make me feel great. I'm sorry to have bored you half to deaf with my foolish emotions but I'm the type of person who likes to spill there feelings out and tell people. Sorry! I love you all! Kisses for everyone! This is your friend Abigail closing out! Goodbye! 4| Comments!

"It's because we live in a world of THEM." [10 Dec 2004|04:21am] [ mood | loved ] [ music | Modest Mouse- Ocean Breaths Salty ] Yesterday, I went with one of my dear friends to one of her therapy sessions. I realized soooo much when I was there, hearing her mother talk about how much it hurts her when my friend yells and cusses at her, and seeing her mother cry, oh it just made me realize so much. I hear her mother saying how she does all this stuff and I'm thinking to myself, Geeze my friend is awful, why would anyone treat there mother like that? And then I realize.... I do it too, it makes me feel awful that I do these things to my mother, and I don't know why I needed to hear another mothers pain to finally gt threw to me that I'm hurting my mother. Threw it all, my friend kept repeating "I know a bunch of people who treat there moms like this!" And I was thinking well that doesn't make it right. Then I realize how many times I've said that to my mother and all those quack doctors. The first thing I did when I got home was I sat my mom down on the couch (I took the chair) and I tod about my friends therpy session, and all the things I realized. Seeing as that I'm a very stubborn person, I had a hard time saying sorry to her. But when it finally came out we where both in tears. At that session the therapist would bring me in and ask if I did that to my mom or if I did that or what I thought about it, and sorry for my friend, but I told the flat out truth. My friend was convinced that it was more important to be nice to your friends then your mother, and I told her she was very wrong and that friends aren't going to be there for you like you mother is and will be. It brought me and my mom closer, it brought me and my moms friend closer, and I know for a fact that it brought my friend and I closer. I'm glad I have someone like my her as a friend. And after the therapy session, in my friends room we stated our opinions about the popular girls in our school, and we both agreed that some of them are very, no extreamly pretty on the outside, but when they open there mouths and that mean part of them comes out, that pretty part is quickly taken away. But that was only the last two years, there actually very nice now. But me and my friend still felt a lot of hatred towards them, and we didn't know why. But we finally agreed that they did nothing wrong to make us agry, we're just jelouse! As much as my friend and I wish that we could be a part of that group, I myself am happy with the friends I have, hell I love them like family, and I told my friend that. I jsut hope she can start seeing what she has, and the people around her that love her rather then focusing on what she doesn't have. At this point in my life, once again, I am beyond pleased with how my life is going, I couldn't be happier. I LOVE EVERYBODY! AND I LOVE YOU, THE PERSON WHO IS READING MY BORING LIFE CHANGING EXPERIENCE! LOL MUWAH!!! LOVE YA................................................................Abby 3| Comments!

Woot Woot! [07 Nov 2004|08:00pm] [ mood | crazy ] [ music | Nitty- Nasty girl ] Oh my gosh! Okay I have a bunch of funny stuff I gots to tell you! First one is an IM I had with a friend. PRIVATE SCREEN NAME: Me and Katie Miller were walking from lunch to study hall and there are these two special ed students and they were like flirting with eachother and we tho ught it was so cute that the special ed kids found love! And the guy was really short and a pretty big guy. The girl was his height, really skinny, and had walking problems. So all of a sudden the big guy gets really mad and pushes the girl so she fell down on the floor!!! And the other one is, my grandmother came up from Madawaska, and she speaks very little english and shes VERY religious. So earlier this year my mommy taught me all the swear words in french hoping I would say those insted of the real ones, (Didn't work) anyways so just like three seconds ago my grandmother was in the kitchen making dinner. She dropped a pan on the floor and I heard her say "baiseur de mère" which I reconized because it means Mother Fucker! Ah ha ha ha I thought that was halarious! She prays the rosery every night yet she says mother fucker in the kitchen!! That is classic. Um... what was the other thing? Shit I forgot! Oh yeah, on Viva La Bam on MTV they did this thing were they went to cally to get silvanears to put in there drivway, and Vito wanted to go to the playboy mansion. He arived at the gate and they wouldn't let him in, so he started yelling in this fat trailer park red neck language and it kinda sounded like "AHWASITWA MOUN TOUT FUCKING PLAYBOY OVADAILL NO GATE BITH DOUNTENTA GERRGE FUCK AHHHURGE, YOUS BETTA LET MES IN, I DID COME HERE HURMANSD JFOSDIFNS TALK NO ASSOLE IN A OCK JESU UCKING CRIMTS." and the guy in the rock said "SIR PLEASE STOP YELLING" and vito yells "I"M NOT YELLING!!!!" ah ha ha ha that's funny! Comments!

Oh what a tangled web we weave... [02 Oct 2004|02:24am] [ mood | recumbent ] [ music | Jewel- Save your souls ] It's 2:25 am, I can't sleep. The sky is beautiful tonight, I went outside and just stood there for hours enjoying the peace and serenity of the moment. When you get those moments, it really gets you thinking, I thought about death, I thought about life, I also thought about how good my life is, and I realized that I don't need to have a killer body for anyone to like me. I just need to have kindness, pain, happiness, and a lot of LOVE. I really am beautiful... on the inside. I don't need to be pretty I'm very happy with who I am and there's now nobody in the whole world that can tell me other wise. If you think about it... When someone says something awful to you, you have a choice, you can either let it hurt you and bring you down, or you can shrug it off. Happiness is a choice not a response, if you choose to be happy, then be happy, but if you choose to be sad and miserable and you listen to other peoples unkind opinions and you let them bother you, then your going to have one miserable life. I choose to be happy. Yes, at times I will be sad, and at times I will cry, but crying never hurts anyone... It's good to get it out of your system. Loves, Always and forever... Abby Comments!

You suck! [17 Aug 2004|05:54pm] [ mood | frustrated ] [ music | I can't think of any song ] I hate this world, it's making me so paranoyed all the time, I'm scared to do anything now because its so likely that what I'm doing will get bombed, or I'll get murdered. All these fucking ignorant people in the middle east need to start kissing up to some American ass before I create a bomb big enough to blow that part of the world off. I'm just sick and tierd of living in fear all the time! I can't do anything anymore without being scared that something bad is going to happen. What have we done with this once happy world? Let me tell you a little fucking something, we, the shit head Americans made the first bomb (maybe I'm wrong.) we never even saw Sept. 11th coming because Bush can't see out of those little slits we call eyes. We fucked up and now we're paying for it and it's not fair! I bet you my fucking dog that Kerry is going to do even worse then Bush every did. All you little Mother fuckers out there that are trying to ruin our life, yeah well you all suck, and you know what? Kiss my ass. My fucking god can't this dumb ass middle east shit heads get a god damn bitch sucking clue? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (sobbing) Fuck you Bin Laden, Fuck you Husane, Fuck you Mooctel Saiter or how ever you spell it. Fuck you all, you all can just go straight to hell and on your way down there you can come over here and lick me were I shit! You all in the middle east suck! WWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I feel much better, oh yeah (in little evil voice) and bin laden, we're gonna find you and when we do I have no idea what we're gonna do but it's going to suck just like you! Same with you Mooktel Saiter it's gonna suck you little donkey raping shit it! aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!! And there you have it, my random outburst of anger for the day, Thank you! 2| Comments!

Courtney H. [11 Aug 2004|05:41pm] [ mood | indescribable ] [ music | Dido- Thank you ] Courtney, In the section on your buddy profile, I read what you wrote... You brought me to tears with the words you typed. That is so nice of you to put that in it's own section on your limited spaced buddy profile. Those words came straight from your heart, I needed that! Altough I cannot write so passionately, I can say that you, and that I'll never find a friend like you anywhere else.. ever. I also hope and pray that our friendship dosen't fade, and that you and I can share those "Special Moments" again! lol (sigh) Good Times. Thank you for everything you've done for me in these past years! Love ya! Abby 1| Comments!

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